Getting Ruthless in Houston
This weekend, inspired by Gina Maxwell’s new release, Ruthless, I decided that I needed to try out a girls’ night at the strip club for myself. Even though I had my reservations, my primary goal was just to have some fun with my girl friends, see some buff fellas and dressed up bachelorettes, and maybe find my very own Ruthless. 😉
I won’t lead you on any longer: I had a GREAT TIME. We went to a club called La Bare in Houston, Texas, which was clean, had friendly staff, great drinks, and reasonable pricing.
Although I never found my knight in shining… banana hammock, here are some reasons why I think everyone should try a girls’ night out at the strip club:
1. The other ladies in the club are awesome
There were quite a few bachelorette parties, and holy smokes were they having a good time dancing, drinking, and throwing them dolla dalla billz y’aaaaall. Not only that, but the dancers and the MC went above and beyond to make these ladies’ night special. On more than one occasion, if a bachelorette was within grabbing distance, the main stage dancer would snatch her up and DRAG her onto the stage like some shit from The Predator (except hot and with way more abs).
2. The choreography
I’m not sure what I was expecting, but I was genuinely impressed by the showmanship of these dudes. The man I’ll call “Assless Chaps” killed some country dancing (in-between bouts of grinding his junk on bachelorettes’ faces), “Wetsuit” slayed some Spanish fancy footwork after he ditched his surfboard, and all the other dancers brought a lot of energy to the main stage.
3. Personal grooming
Personal grooming is off the CHAAAAIN. Excuse me, sir, I know you’re twerking your ass off out there, but could you please teach me your tips and tricks on how to get such a close shave without entering Stubble City in Razor Burn County?
You might see someone sexily remove a WETSUIT!!! If you’ve ever tried to remove one, I’m sure you’ll agree that even getting it off at all without hurting yourself is a miracle–never mind looking like sex on wheels while doing it.
5. BRO TIME
Although I found it hard to tear my eyes away from the show, when I looked around the club, the ~bromance~ to be found was possibly my favorite part of the night. As waiters or other off-the-clock dancers would walk by their bros who weren’t on the main stage, they would exchange a casual fist bump. Every. Single. Time.
So, there you have it! Strip clubs can be a lot of fun for a night out with your friends, especially when you choose the right club. Could I have found my very own sexy stripper to have and to hold like Addie from Ruthless? Absolutely not. However, I had a great time, and would totally go again.
Do you have any strip club stories (or horror stories)? Please share your strip club shenanigans with us in the comments or find us on Twitter!
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Em is a college gal from Texas who has publicly ugly cried on three (3 !!!!!) separate occasions when confronted with puppies on campus. Her body of work includes: always drawing the card “Daniel Radcliffe’s delicious asshole” when playing Cards Against Humanity, binge-watching shows instead of studying, and consistently failing to remove vulgarity from her vocabulary. You can find her at @emilyjlindsey on Snapchat or @emlindsey on Instagram and slide on in them DMs 😉