There are few things that get an author’s attention like a literary pick-up line.
A guy on OKCupid didn’t get a date, but he did get me to talk to him by asking if I’d ever heard any Harry Potter pick-up lines. I said no, so he sent me one. It went something like this:
“Hey, baby, I’d love to put my basilisk in your chamber of secrets.”
Cheesy, yes, but it also made me laugh, so I did talk to him.
However, the one that stopped me dead in my tracks was this, uttered to me once at the bar:
“I’ll be your Romeo if you’ll be my Juliet.”
I blinked and turned around. I couldn’t tell you what the guy looked like now, and probably couldn’t have told you then. It wouldn’t have mattered if it was Chris Evans in the flesh and I wouldn’t have remembered, because I was so utterly disturbed.
I said, “Are you seriously suggesting because we can’t control our hormones, we should get in the middle of a blood feud, let a lot of people we care about get killed, and then off ourselves in the most ridiculous suicide pact ever? Because that’s really not part of my agenda for the weekend.”
Like I said, I don’t know what he looked like, but I do know he stood there, silently staring at me. I wound up walking away. I’m sure the guy thought I was a horrible bitch, but I expect pick up lines to be sexy or funny or romantic. Call me crazy but Romeo and Juliet? Not really any of those things.
So please, if you know a guy who wants to hit on me, have him go for the Harry Potter lines. I like a guy who can make me laugh.
Though hardcore bonus points for Supernatural or Marvel Cinematic Universe pick-up lines, because then he’s just speaking straight to my soul—no balconies or poison necessary.
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