What I haven’t told Mum
I haven’t told my Mum I write romance fiction.
I know that sounds bad, as if I’m ashamed. I’m not. It’s just that she’s my mum and she has opinions. Also she’s a champion gaslighter and there’s only so much stress a daughter can take.
If I was to tell her, I think it would go much like this: She would so win.
Me: I’ve been meaning to tell you something. I’ve written a book.
Mum: What do you mean written?
Me: You know, one word after another, a page of words, followed by more pages of words, that kind of a book.
Mum: A book book.
Me: It wasn’t a trick word. Yes.
Mum: What for?
Me: Well, I wanted to see if I could.
Mum: Why would you want to do that?
Me: Good question. I’ve always wanted to.
Mum: No, you haven’t.
Me: Yes, I have. Remember I wrote plays in primary school.
Mum: It’s a damn long way from primary school. You left it a bit late to start up again, didn’t you?
Mum: What’s it about? Would I like it?
Me: You wouldn’t like it.
Mum: It’s not a stupid vampire thing, is it? It’s not about silly fairies?
Me: No. And they’re—
Mum: Is it a book with proper pages or a Kindle book?
Me: It’s a Kindle book.
Mum: Anyone can make one of those. John Hayes is doing one about his parents. Can’t imagine how boring that will be. I’ll probably have to buy it and pretend I’ve read it.
Me: It’s not like that.
Mum: But it’s not a real book. It’s like the book that Margie did on the family tree.
Me: No, it’s not like that. That was photocopied with a staple in it.
Mum: It was very good photocopying. How much did it cost you?
Me: It didn’t cost me anything except time.
Mum: John is paying a lot of money for his, like thousands. How did you do it for free? Yours can’t be any good. You should get advice from him.
Me: I don’t even know who John is.
Mum: You do. He used to own the hardware store, but it doesn’t matter.
Me: Maybe one day I’ll write a print book.
Mum: What? You’re still doing it?
Me: It’s not illegal.
Mum: Don’t be daft. When did you do this thing?
Me: It’s not a thing. I wrote a book. I wrote a few.
Mum: A few, what do you mean a few?
Me: More than two. (Massive understatement alert)
Mum: What on earth for?
Me: I’m wondering that myself.
Mum: Would I like any of them?
Mum: Why didn’t you write a book I would like?
Me: I don’t think that’s possible. (Not an understatement)
Mum: Is it more of a textbook?
Me: No, it’s fiction.
Mum: That’s what I read.
Me: I know.
Mum: You don’t know anything about murders and investigations.
Me: I don’t write about crime.
Mum: But that’s what I read.
Me: I didn’t write the books just for you.
Mum: That was silly. At least you’d know one person would’ve bought them.
You can read more real conversations with Mum at my website.
Check out Ainslie’s new release One Night Wife!
Finley Cartwright is the queen of lost causes. That’s why she’s standing on a barstool trying to convince Friday night drinkers to donate money to a failing charity. Hitting on the guy on the next stool wasn’t part of her plan. Still, hot but grumpy venture capitalist Caleb Sherwood might just be her ticket to success.
Professional grifter and modern-day Robin Hood, Cal Sherwood is looking for a partner for a long con. Sexy Fin, doing her best Marilyn Monroe act for her cause, has the necessary qualifications. By the time he cuts her free, her charity would be thriving, and she’d have helped him charm billions out of arrogant, gullible marks to fund his social justice causes.
But just when he thinks he’s about to pull off the best con ever, his feisty new partner gets the upper hand.
Ainslie Paton always wanted to write stories to make people smile, but the need to eat, accumulate books, and have bedclothes to read under was ever present. She sold out, and worked as a flack, a suit, and a creative, ghosting for business leaders, rabble-rousers and politicians, and making words happen for companies, governments, causes, conditions, high-profile CEOs, low-profile celebs, and the occasional misguided royal. She still does that. She also writes for love, and so she can buy shoes, and the good cat food. More here: www.ainsliepaton.com.au and on Twitter @AinsliePaton. She also writes under the name AA Paton.
I just adore Ainslie’s conversations with her Mum, and I just super uber adore Ainslie’s books. I’ve read most of them! (not an understatement)
That’s hilarious and I bet very accurate. Not much different than my own mother’s reaction–she’s still waiting for me to write a ‘real’ book. If I could have gotten away with not telling her I would have. My blabbermouth husband thought keeping it secret was ridiculous and I let him talk me into the confession.
He’s such a jerk.