Katie Delahanty: Worst Pick-Up Line Ever

I’ve been struggling with writing about pickup lines because, to be honest, it’s been a good while since I’ve heard one—but I’m six months pregnant so I think I’m grateful for that. Being deep in the throes of pregnancy brain, I truly can’t remember being picked up all that often beyond the “ciao bella’s” of studying abroad in Italy and the “you’re like a hot Celine Dion” that a drunken friend of a friend once laid on me before attempting to lick my neck (which I’ve mostly managed to block from my memory). So I asked my husband to rattle off a few for inspiration:

“If I had to rate you from 1-10, I would give you a 9, because I am the 1 you are missing.”

“Are you a pinky toe? Because I want to bang you on all my furniture.”

Awesome. But do people really use those?

Still at a loss for what to write for this post, I decided to focus on nesting, and in cleaning out the hall closet I hit the jackpot: I discovered a trove of comment cards saved from my days waiting tables in college. I knew my hoarding would come in handy someday! Now, the restaurant was called BJ’s Brewhouse, and when you work at a place called “BJ’s”, you get used to the giggling and the inevitable “Do you like BJ’s?” and “What does BJ’s stand for?” so I thought the comments would be worse, but surprisingly, most of them were sweet…

“I think you have a wonderful smile. Hope to see you when I come back.”

Some punctuation-ally challenged:

Dear Katie,

Sorry I was so weird I’m really normal I swear, you are the coolest girl I’ve ever met I’ll never forget you I’m gonna come back to visit

I <3 u,

Danny

Some creepy:

Please. I will waiting for you. Call any time. Any hour.

There was even one from a guy’s mom:

Katie,

You are such a pretty girl and my son said, “okay”— ’cause we’re both a little silly and wild—and you gave us good service—so after all that—if you will risk it, give my boy a call. He’s fun, talented, can be sweet, and is smart too. Oh! He waits tables at El Torito Grill.

God Bless you,

“Mom”

And finally, a prayer…

“Katie was great and good and nice/cool. Thank you God for making Katie and BJ’s.”

Yes, thank you, God.