Getting Frisky in Unusual Places

Aug 11, 2017 by

Romance Awareness Month

It’s Romance Awareness Month and we’re dishing all month long about everything romance related. Feeling that travel bug and love getting frisky in new places? Heather McCollum has you covered.

Just imagine… you’ve saved up for months and booked your dream Scotland vacation. You’ve landed, rested in a lovely Bed & Breakfast, enjoyed a day of wandering a quaint Highland village, taken a wee nip of Highland whisky and have basked in the sun under a blue sky surrounded by sheep-dotted mountains. If you’ve brought along your sweetheart, and you’re feeling relaxed, adventurous and frisky, there are definitely fun places to umm… dèanamh gaoil <nudge, nudge, say no more>.  Of course, some of my suggestions are weather dependent, and I would never want you to do anything illegal (my imaginary lawyer made me say that) or where you might be seen, but there is something thrilling about kissing your one-and-only in new and untried places. Especially places as wild and ruggedly beautiful as Scotland. So, freshen up, don that romantic skirt, and grab your honey’s… ummm…hand. Here are my top 5 Scottish places to:

  • play at in and in,
  • smock,
  • thread the needle,
  • play at couch quail,
  • play nug-a-nug,
  • ride below the crupper,
  • fopdoodle,
  • or do the deed of darkness (yes, these are all 16th century ways to say “have S-E-X”).

1.     Castle Ruins

Take a picnic and find a safe (fortified by modern standards), authentic castle. My favorite is Kilchurn Castle on Loch Awe. It is open to the public (and free) from the end of March until the end of September. It is often totally empty of people! A 15th century castle, fortified for safety, with amazing history and gorgeous views. It’s perfect for a picnic and dessert (wink, wink). Kilchurn Castle Link

2.     Circle of Standing Stones

Another spot to picnic, and if alone with your love, “play at couch quail.” Although when you come to your senses again, you may realize that you’ve been thrown into a different century Outlander-style! At least you’ll be together.  My family and I visited Lochbuie Stone Circle, a stone circle on the Isle of Mull. We had to hike through a cow field (which is allowed), avoid the boggy areas, and find the secluded circle tucked away in a field. Although it was in the open, there was no one around and no houses or roads close by. I think it would be a lovely place at night (without kids) to…stare up at the stars (if you make it past the cows with the big horns).

3.     Inside a Castle B&B/Hotel Twenty years ago, my husband and I stayed in 15th century Borthwick Castle near Edinburgh. It’s a magnificent, authentic castle where Mary Queen of Scotts actually slept! It was like sleeping in a museum where I was allowed to touch all the artifacts! (Sorry for the old pictures. It’s much lovelier now!)

Down below the main floor are the dungeons, where prisoners were chained until they were taken to the rooftops to try to jump from one tower to another to gain their freedom (most did not make it).

While we visited, we asked to do a load of laundry, and it was down in the dungeon. My hubby and I found ourselves alone down there when the clock struck midnight. I held the barred doors open, petrified that the ghosts of prisoners past would lock us in, while he shoved our clothes into the washer. Fear pretty much squashed my “frisky” at the time. If however, you like a little thrill with your “nug-a-nug,” this might be the perfect place for you and your main man/woman! If not, just staying in the room of a castle that has been occupied for over 600 years brings its own sense of romance and adventure! Link to Castle Accommodations in Scotland

4.     Take a Train Ride Whether you are a Harry Potter fan or not, this train experience is wonderful! A trip over the picturesque aqueduct from Fort William to Mallaig on the west coast of the Scottish Highlands is something not to miss. When we journeyed on the Jacobite Steam Train, we were put into a private glass-doored seating area. People came by to take pictures because it was the one used in the Harry Potter movies. So no…this is not a place to get frisky, but it’s so cool! When you disembark, you get an hour and a half in Mallaig for shopping, eating, or finding a secluded locale for “fopdoodle” before hopping back on board to journey to Fort William.

 5.     A Secluded Garden How many wonderful books have you read where the hero and heroine banter or kiss in a beautiful garden? If you find yourself in Scotland, you should hunt out a lush garden to visit. There are all types: small and wild, large and manicured, and everything in between.  If you’re looking for a secluded spot for a quick, unseen “ride below the crupper,” you will want to find one that’s either very tucked away and uninhabited or one that’s large so you can find a spot of high vegetation away from crowds. This might require an upright position behind a tree. A skirt is definitely recommended for such adventures.

You might want to keep a birding book near in case someone happens upon you. “Oh, look love, a European Crested Tit. Quick it went that way!” <Snort> Hopefully the intruder will follow your suggestion and leave. Here is a link to a few large, beautiful gardens: The Royal Botanical Gardens.

Scotland is full of wild beauty. So, it’s fun to go a little wild and spice things up with your love while visiting. Make memories, and get creative. Just don’t get caught! Although, that could be quite a story!

Have you ever had a tryst somewhere a bit wild? Please dish (though keep it PG-13 – yes, my imaginary lawyer told me to say that too)! Have a lovely, best-fopdoodle-ever kind of day!

 

-Heather McCollum, author of The Beast of Aros Castle

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