Christine Bell: Worst Pick-Up Line Ever

Sep 29, 2014 by

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Christine Bell here, and I’m so excited to come and tell you about the WORST pick-up line I ever fell for.

I’ll admit right out the gate, it’s not something I’m proud of. But hopefully, as we take a little trip back in time, you’ll see why I did.

So I’m at a bar (I was in my early twenties. I’m not too proud to say that I spent a *fair* amount of time in bars back then), and this guy comes up to me. He was kinda goofy looking, the sort of guy that you wouldn’t expect to have confidence, but he TOTALLY did, in spades. So he starts talking to me and stops dead, in the middle of a sentence. He reaches over, tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and says (whilst looking at me intently): “You know, you remind me a lot of my second wife.”
He was only about twenty-five, so I was taken aback, and replied, “Really? How many wives have you had??”
He gives me this slow, half-crooked smile and says, “One.”

Now, granted, I was in my cups, so to speak, but I was laughing so hard, I couldn’t stop. I think it was because of the delivery. It was like he knew it was corny and silly, so the line was a joke, but it made his intention clear. Something about the whole thing just worked. We wound up hanging out that night and then making a date for that weekend (which I never went on, because I got back together with an ex). But the point is, it worked. So for any guys reading, here’s the take away: Girls love funny, confident guys. And the other takeaway? I guess I was kinda easy in my 20’s.

BONUS MATERIAL (which I believe offsets falling for the above). Three pick-up lines I DIDN’T fall for:

#1: (Said to my friend about me by a biker dude at a bar) “Hey. Tell your friend if she wants to go for a ride on my bike.”
Like, what does that even mean? It’s not even a question, right? Like, was my friend supposed to come over to me and say, “Hey, if you want to go for a ride on his bike.” If I do, then what? Where the rest of that sentence? “…then she can come over here and we can go.” Or, “…then she’s an idiot, because I don’t even have a bike. This is just a ploy to get her outside so I can serial murder her with my trusty pick-axe.” It was an ill-advised line, at the very least. And one that I passed on. Because Buffalo Bill.

#2: (Said to me by a guy at a bar while I was talking to a different guy. I’m realizing there’s a trend here…) “Why settle for hamburger meat when you got a filet mignon right here?” *gestures to himself, who happens to be wearing an unbuttoned white sports jacket with NO shirt underneath, cut-off jean shorts and…wait for it…COWBOY boots. I’ll wait while you put that mental image together. I passed on him too. Because Village People.

#3: (Said to me by a guy who I was ALREADY walking on the beach with >.<) “What do you like to do for fun?”
Me: I love going to the movies and hanging out with friends. You?
Him: I mostly like to break stuff.
Me: -_-

So there you have it! I’d love to hear some more failed (or successful!) pick-up lines that you guys have heard, too, so please let me know in comments!

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2 Comments

  1. Bette Hansen

    I gotta say that line made me snort laugh. Hard! Loved your book by the way. Laz is yummy

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